


When the Wave Recedes

by lovesgym



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, M/M, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24799543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesgym/pseuds/lovesgym
Summary: A different take on the first time Eddie brings Christopher to see Buck after the tsunami.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 322





	When the Wave Recedes

It’s been two days since the tsunami. After they’d found Christopher, Eddie had had to take him home pretty much straight away, and Buck didn’t remember much about how he got home. Maddie had been a constant presence at his side, shaken as much as he was. His memories of the past couple of days are fuzzy- he knows he slept a lot and suspects he’d been running a low-grade fever. His lungs still felt tight and he’d developed a wet cough. He remembers Maddie’s soft hands running through his hair and soothing him to sleep.

Maddie had finally felt comfortable enough to leave him alone that morning, not without stocking his fridge and making sure he had his medication for the week organized by day. 

He’s feeling better physically. He’s sore, and he is the proud owner of some ugly scrapes, including one that practically frames his birth mark over his eye. He’s moving under his own power, though, and that’s not something he takes for granted considering everything that’s happened this year.  
But he feels brittle. Fragile, in a way that even being pinned under a ladder truck hadn’t made him. There is a dull roar in his head when his thoughts turn to Christopher and he earnestly but uselessly shuts his eyes against the painfully clear memory he has of the kid’s terrified little face as he was swept up in the undertow. 

Buck- well he’s been a lot of things, some he’s not proud of- flighty, insecure, vain, and in the past a bit of a man-whore to be honest, but he’s always known that those close to him could depend on him. He’s always striven to be worthy of that trust. Now, he’s been failed by the best part of him and he doesn’t know if he can trust himself ever again. He knows Eddie won’t. Eddie hasn’t been to see him since the tsunami, and the rational part of Buck knows that’s because he’s been looking after Christopher, and probably not because he’s actively avoiding Buck. He’s absolutely dreading seeing Eddie. He thinks about what he would say and he can’t find the words even in his head. He’s not sure if Eddie will even give him a chance to try.

He dearly needs some peace, and crawls into his bed and under the covers, burying himself in the duvet and closing his eyes against the light that threatens to keep him awake.

He’s both pathetically grateful and horrified when he hears the slamming of a car door and a familiar pitched giggle accompanied by the sound of Christopher’s crutches and Eddie’s heavier footfalls at the walkway outside his door. He has no time to prepare himself before Eddie is letting himself in and striding in as though nothing had happened.

“Up and at ‘Em, Buck! I’ve got a shift and Christopher’s going to stay with you today” Eddie’s tone is demanding in a way that leaves no room for argument and reminds Buck of Eddie’s military roots.

God, this couldn’t be happening right now! Buck is not at all prepared to shield Christopher from the disaster that he is. He scrambles out of bed and stumbles down the stairs. He barely has the energy to remain upright, let alone entertain the 9 year old.

Catching sight of him, still in his pajama pants, Eddie grins, “looks like it’s a pajama day for the two of you- look, I’ve got a shift, you’re off duty, and Christopher’s been asking to see you. It’s a win-win. Have a good day, Mijo,” the last directed at Chris as Eddie drops a kiss into his son’s hair, clearly preparing to leave.

It was so like Eddie to try to steamroll right past apologies and forgiveness. He’s trying to show Buck that they’re ok, and Buck is so, so pathetically grateful, but he’s nowhere near ready to take care of Chris by himself, and now that Eddie’s here, he really doesn’t want him to go. He feels panic welling up in him at the thought of being left here alone.

“I-I don’t feel so good, Eddie,” Buck chokes out, tipping his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. Tears burned embarrassingly behind his eye lids and threatened to make their way out into the open. 

He loves Eddie, more than he should, but he really hates him for putting him in this position. He takes a couple of calming breaths, trying to keep it together for Christopher. He opens his eyes and Eddie looks alarmed. Buck can see the hesitation now in Eddie’s expression, and the evidence that the last few days have been just as hard on Eddie.

“Don’t be sad, Bucky,” and Buck finds himself with an armful of 9 year old. Christopher’s sweet voice fills him with enough fortitude to return the hug.  
Eddie clears his throat- “Mijo, I can see that Buck’s not feeling well today. I’m going to give Carla a call. Can you sit with Buck while I do that?”

They make their way over to the couch, and Christopher burrows into Buck’s side. Christopher is usually a squirmy ball of energy, but today he is content to curl up beside Buck. “I’m glad I got to see you today even if you’re sick,” Chris says innocently. Buck holds on and lets Chris pick something to watch on Netflix. He’s still feeling horrible, but the stuffed feeling inside his head is subsiding and he manages something resembling normal. “I’m glad too, buddy. I missed you.” Even Christopher’s smile is wobbly and Buck is reminded that Christopher has lost more than his fair share of parental figures this year.

In what feels like no time at all, Carla is here and Eddie is helping Christopher off the couch. He’s such a good kid- he makes no fuss when Carla asks him to get his things, and he gives Buck a kiss goodbye. Buck can’t believe Christopher isn’t mad at him for losing him. 

He walks Christopher to the door, promising to help him build a super tall Lego tower next time and that they’ll see each other soon. He’s rewarded with a mega-watt smile from Chris and a kiss on the cheek from Carla. He sees them out with relief and he’s so foggy that at first he doesn’t realize Eddie hasn’t left with them.

“I’m sorry,” comes Eddie’s voice from behind him and to his left. Buck jumps and swivels around quickly. Eddie looks lost. Suddenly, the roaring is back in Buck’s head-

“You’re sorry?!” Buck’s breath is coming too fast now, and a fine tremble is taking control of his hands.

“I lost him, Eddie! I- Buck jabs a finger at his own chest- lost him. You trusted me and I lost him.” And then, humiliated, Buck loses the last of his control. He covers his face with his hands and begins to cry.

And then Eddie’s hands are gently prying his away from his face and Eddie’s arms are around him, and Buck doesn’t understand it- he’s so grateful- but Eddie is forgiving him.

Eddie’s voice is rough, and Buck can barely hear him, but he gets it out anyway “You think you failed him? You saved him- that’s how he remembers it. It was a natural disaster, Buck, and I almost lost both of you. I’m sorry I stayed away so long. I couldn’t face you knowing that you were struggling out there for so many hours and I didn’t even know you both were missing.” 

This is practically a Shakespearean monologue coming from Eddie. Buck knows he should be stepping up for Eddie, should be getting himself under control by now- but he needs- and he’s so ashamed but he can’t, and he tries to say something, tries to hold Eddie’s gaze but he ends up making this awful, strangled noise, nosing his head into Eddie’s shoulder, pushing against him while his body shakes and sobs rip through him. Eddie can’t make out too many words, but he does hear “scared” and “let you down.”

Eddie tightens his hold on Buck and moves them both toward the couch. If his throat is tight and he has to shake the water out of his own eyes, no one needs to know.

Eddie doesn’t know how Buck lives like this- with his inner most feelings and thoughts so close to the surface all the time. He’s more open and vulnerable like this than Eddie is comfortable with, and it makes Eddie feel things he hasn’t felt since his best days with Shannon. When he’d seen Buck- without Christopher- for the first few seconds, he had felt an ugly, sharp and thankfully fleeting bite of fury at Buck for letting Chris go. But he knows better- Buck would never, (and didn’t) give up on Christopher while there was breath left in his body. What losing Chris in the waves had done to Buck is laid out plain for him to see in the way Buck is still shuddering against him. Eddie pulls him tighter to his chest and brings his hand to cradle the back of Buck’s head, a tender, protective feeling pooling in his chest.

Eddie’s not good with words, and he needs to make Buck understand that he doesn’t blame him, and that there’s no one he’d trust more with his son.  
He puts his hands on either side of Buck’s head, and gently pulls him away from his chest. Before he really knows what he’s doing, he is moving forward and his lips are on Buck’s. His brain catches up and screams at him but he’s committed now- he kisses Buck as tenderly as he can manage.  
It takes Buck a second but he’s kissing back, and fiercely. He topples Eddie backward on the couch and comes to a rest on top of him, slipping his tongue into Eddie’s mouth and trying to get as close as possible.

They break apart shakily and Buck catches Eddie’s eyes, terrified he’ll find a mistake lurking there. But Eddie smiles, and he sees nothing but love.

“Hey,” is all Eddie says, and Buck’s content to leave it there, for now.


End file.
